{Straight From the Heart} *Humor and Then Some 1/11/00
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I figured we needed to take a break from the heartwarming stories
and get a good dose of humor today. So enjoy the following short
jokes an anecdotes!
Michael
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A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just
come back from a far away land trying to find adventure.
As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man
directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings
all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter
introduced this man as her new husband.
The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed,
"I said for you to marry a Rich Doctor! a Rich Doctor!"
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A Little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to
go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy
turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there.
It's dark."
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be
afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look
after you and protect you."
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you
sure he's out there?"
"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help
you when you need him," she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the
back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness,
he called "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the
broom?"
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Anti-Stress Exercise
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.
3. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret
place.
4. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the
world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the
air with a cascade of serenity.
5. The water is clear.
6. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head
you're holding under water.
7. There now. . .feeling better?
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A little guy was sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business
when a great big dude comes in and WHACK!! -- knocks him clean off the
bar stool and onto the floor. Then he says, "That was a karate chop
from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and
starts drinking again when all of a sudden - WHACK!! -- the big dude
knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
The little guy has had enough of this . . . he gets up, brushes
himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or
so.
When he returns, without saying a word, he walks up behind the big idiot
and BONG!! -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold.
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell
him that it was a crowbar from Sears."
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REQUEST:
From: Cbea15@aol.com
Dear Michael,
I have been to the doctor again for my knee and the surgery
is scheduled for the 24th of this month. For those of you who don't
know what is happening with my knee, I have bad cartilage in both of
my knees but they want to see if anything needs to be fixed in my left
knee first. They are going to do an orthoscopic surgery. I went thru
7 weeks of physical therapy which I flunked with less than a 30%.
Please pray for me on this date.
God Bless,
Charlotte
Cbea15@aol.com
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Thought For The Day:
"A professional is one who can do his best work when he doesn't feel
like it."
(Alistair Cook)
Verse for the Day:
"To win the contest you must deny yourselves many things that would
keep you from doing your best."
1 Corinthians 9:25
Kid's Thought For The day:
"A little kiss can make a big difference."
Parent's Thought For The Day
"One of the oldest human needs is having someone wonder where
you are when you don't come home at night."
(Margaret Mead)
Coach's Thought For The Day
"You are the real teachers. You have these children when they are
at their emotional peaks and lows. That's when they are the most
pliable. It doesn't take any intelligence to send a kid home with
her head hanging between her knees. But to send her home with her
head up every night might show a little coaching."
(Morgan Wooten)
Deep Thought For The Day:
"Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it."
_
/_/\/\ MICHAEL T. POWERS
\_\ / THUNDER27@aol.com http://members.aol.com/Thunder27/index.html
/_/ \ "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
\_\/\ \ Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live for the Son
\_\/ of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
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