{Straight From the Heart} *Love Letters From a 6-Year-Old* 1/14/00
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Love Letters From A 6-Year-Old
By: Sandi Brock
As I think of my 6 year old daughter today, so many thoughts race
through my mind. She is endearing and aggravating. She is loving
and sometimes bitter. Sometimes her mood is stable and others quite
volatile. She is full of questions and sometimes full of answers.
She is sometimes compliant and others quite defiant. She is six.
My first husband and I divorced when she was 2 years old. I felt
lucky at the time that she was so young because I felt it did not
effect her as much as it would had she been older. She was used to
it always being "me and mommy" because her Dad worked at night and
slept all day. I did not have to field any questions about Daddy's
sudden disappearance from her life because she was too young to ask
me and already quite used to not seeing him very much.
I was, during the first two months after my divorce, consumed with
what I wanted. I was glad to be divorced as I was very unhappy.
I wanted to have my own life, I wanted to be with friends and yes,
to have dates. I left my daughter with my parents and grandparents
frequently so that I could pursue what I wanted and I guess kind of
needed. After all, I thought she is only 2 years old, she won't
really notice. I was often angry and impatient - to quick to feel
slighted when my plans were changed because she wouldn't cooperate
with what I wanted for myself.
Then, the man I am married to now and the man I love so very very
much came into the picture. During the two years that we dated
before getting married - my life revolved around him. Every other
weekend, when my daughter went to see her Dad - my weekend was spent
with Jeff. When Jeff would call me on the phone during the week
because we lived too far apart to see each other daily - my daughter
would "act up" - I gave her candy to quiet her so I could have my
piece of tranquility on the phone. I would turn a blind eye on things
she was doing that I normally would not let her get away with so that
I could pursue the conversation with Jeff instead of having to pay her
the attention she was so desperately craving.
Almost the first year of my new marriage was devoted to the
relationship between my husband and myself. Although, I had read
about the stepparent and stepchild relationship and the needs of the
"displaced" child - it didn't really seem to fit because my daughter
and new husband loved each other so much and I thought "love conquers
all".
Several months ago my daughter began to ask me questions about my
divorce from her father. Was it possible, she wondered if we could
stop loving each other would we stop loving her? Was it okay to
love one parent more than the other one? Was it okay to stop loving
Daddy Jeff if it was causing her Dad to feel jealous? The turmoil
began to grow and the relationships in this house took on a very ugly
life of their own. Disrespect erupted from my 6 year old for both me
and her stepfather. Discipline had taken a back-seat for several
months as I mulled over whether to spank or not to spank, timeouts,
restrictions? My daughter brought home a paper from school where she
had to write a sentence using the spelling word "bad". Her sentence
cut through my heart and my mind "I am bad."
I began counseling.
My counselor basically lets me talk and talk and then with one well
thought, correctly placed question can cause me to delve so deep into
myself that to look at the answer within is so hard to accept.
I have been a "good" parent. Anyone who knows me will tell you that
I have a very smart and beautiful daughter and that I have been a good
mother to her. I have showered my daughter with "I love you's" and
she has all that most 6 year olds want and need. But she was missing
something very important - she needed to be my Number 1. To admit to
myself that I had always loved her but had always seemed to place
someone else - myself or others - above her was the hardest thing
I have ever admitted to anyone but to admit it to myself hurt the most.
I have placed my child as the number one priority in my life and the
change in her and the change in me is undeniable. We have long talks
before she goes to sleep at night about how she is feeling about me,
her friends, her day at school, her Daddy Jeff, her natural father,
etc. We read from a daily children's devotional every night and she
reads the words on the page that she recognizes. We stopped watching
so much television and now devote time to working diligently on
homework, and she is beginning to help with supper and other small
chores around the house. Every paper she brings home from school
has the name "Sandi" or "Mommy" discreetly scrolled in the innocent
handwriting of a 6 year old on it. I receive daily drawings and love
notes, some with a drawing of her Dad, Me, her and her Daddy Jeff all
looking happy and this makes her feel good and me also.
There is still tension in the relationship with her stepfather as
she sees him as competition for Mother's heart. She is still defiant
and sometimes compliant. Discipline is again playing a role in our
household and she tests it devotedly from time to time, but I think
for the first time she feels that no matter what she does to "test"
me and her stepfather - we love her and will love her no matter what.
Her grades have improved and we laugh together more.
For the first time in months, my guilt over not being the best mother
I should've been has begun to quietly drift away. I never would have
thought that the greatest love letters I would ever receive would be
love letters from a six year old.
- Sandi Brock
POWGRL2@aol.com
Send Sandi an email and let her know what you thought of her story!
Sandi lives in Jacksonville, Alabama with her 6 year old daughter,
Ellie and her husband Jeff. She is 26 years old and works for a
Substance Abuse clinic and enjoys the work as well as the interesting
people she meets daily. Sandi enjoys writing personal stories in her
spare time to record how she is feeling about different situations in
her life and finds it very therapeutic and healing.
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UPDATE:
From: jdh@ipa.net (Becky Holloway)
Wanted to share this wonderful news.....the doctors had said
my brother would have to remain in New Orleans a minimum of 100
days following his release from the hospital . Now just 40 days
after the transplant, he's being released to come home!!!! Praise
the Lord.....and thanks for all the prayers.
Joyfully,
Becky
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Thought For The Day:
"Anger is a stone's throw at a wasp's nest."
Verse for the Day:
"Be very careful, then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise,
making the most of every opportunity."
Ephesians 5:15,16
Kid's Thought For The day:
"If your feet don't reach the ground let them swing."
Parent's Thought For The Day
"The best inheritance a parent can give their children is a
few minutes (Hopefully more) of their time every day."
Coach's Thought For The Day
"The only people who make no mistakes are dead people. I saw a
man who had not made a mistake for four thousand years. He was
a mummy in the Egyptian Department of the British Museum."
(H.L. Wayland)
Deep Thought For The Day:
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front
lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we
can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say,
"You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those
uniforms."
-Elayne Boosler
_
/_/\/\ MICHAEL T. POWERS
\_\ / THUNDER27@aol.com http://members.aol.com/Thunder27/index.html
/_/ \ "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
\_\/\ \ Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live for the Son
\_\/ of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
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seconds my mom was crying and my dad did too. They said it was
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a beautiful job! They were so suprised and so touched---they
really, really, really loved it. Thanks for helping to make it so
special to us all. My mom mentioned how the songs were perfect for
the video too! Thanks again!"
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