{Straight From the Heart} *It All Starts With Listening* 2/22/00
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Welcome to "Straight From the Heart!"
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It is with the greatest pleasure that I introduce to all of you
someone whom has been a great encouragement to me not only in my
writing, but has been an inspiration to me in my life. Mark
Reiman was diagnosed with A. L. S. (Lou Gehrig's Disease) in
1991 and has met the disease and all of life's challenges head
on. I am proud to call him my friend and I pray his words and
his courage touch your soul as I share his writing both today and tomorrow...
Michael
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IT STARTS WITH LISTENING
by MARK REIMAN
I believe the highest compliment my child ever gives me is when they
come to me with a problem or want to talk about something that is
really important to them.
I know that they have many choices about who they share their thoughts
and feelings with. When they were in elementary school their mother or
I most often heard about the events and concerns that were nearest
their heart. But as they got older and our parental ears were more and
more often replaced by their friends and classmates, teachers and
coaches, and I know that we were increasingly left out of the loop.
It's not easy, but it's natural.
Since the opportunity doesn't come as often as it once did, when it
does I want to make it count. I may not get another chance for a
while. Unfortunately, two very normal responses can make a mess of
things in a hurry. Number One: I love them more than anything on
earth and I don't want to see them hurt. Number Two: Along with my
age (46) and experience (translation: many screwups) I have accumulated
wisdom (translation: opinions) that I know will help my child avoid
some pain and suffering. That's a pure motive, isn't it?
It took me some time to figure out that while sometimes they are
asking me to help them solve a problem, many times they just want
me to listen. Which isn't very easy for me when I have accumulated
so much wisdom. The greater wisdom lies in taking the time to
understand which of my resources is being asked for.
I've learned that the quickest way to shut them up is to verbally or
nonverbally let them know how foolish, or worse yet - stupid, I think
they were to get into the mess they're telling me about. Do you know
how much you hate it when your kid rolls his eyes at what you are
saying? Or she lets out a sigh the neighbors can hear? Your own kids
feel the same way when they are telling you something important. Even
when a voice inside your head that sounds like an air raid warning is
screaming YOU DID WHAT?, just nod your head and listen.
I was amazed to learn that even when their sentence began with, "I
don't know what to do...," they were not asking me what I thought
they should do. "I don't know what to do," does not equal, "Please
tell me what to do." If you're not sure whether you're being asked to
listen or problem solve, listen for a while and then in so many words,
just ask.
Example: "You know, I can just be a really good listener or I can try
to help you solve this. Tell me what you need."
That may sound a little weird but it really works. If you feel
compelled to share your opinion and no one asked you for it, say,
"Can I tell you what I think?" If they say "No", try very hard to
accept their wishes. I've lost some credibility when I've responded
with, "Well, I'm going to tell you anyway because you need to hear it."
When you do share your opinions, er, wisdom, asked for or not, do so
with unmistakable Love. Love they can hear all the way to their so
often frightened, confused, topsy-turvy heart. In your own life, think
how many times that would have made all the difference in the world.
So, after all of my screwups (translation: experience) I hope you can
gain something from this opinion (translation: wisdom) - keep your
opinions and problem solving to yourself...at least for a while.
Especially if no one is asking for them. The longer you are able to
keep your own ideas out of the conversation, the more you will be able
to focus on what is going on deep down inside this precious person you
love.
You will also be making several powerful statements to the one you are
listening to:
#1: I love you enough to really listen.
#2: I believe in you and know you are capable of solving problems on
your own.
#3: I am here when you need me.
In fact, don't hesitate to say those things out loud to your kids...
and your spouse. Could someone you love and respect ever say anything
more valuable to you?
Mark Reiman
mark@IncrediblePeople.com
Email Mark and let him know what you thought about his writing!
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A little bit about Mark:
Mark Reiman is a cofounder and publisher of Incredible People
Magazine and is the editor-in-chief. He was diagnosed with A.L.S.
(Lou Gehrig's Disease) in 1991. To create greater awareness of A.L.S.
and share a message of hope and determination, he became the first
person in history to sing the national anthem in every major league
baseball park in one season (1998), for which he now holds a certified
Guinness World Record. One of his best memories of the anthem tour is
getting to throw out the first pitch in Kansas City. The worst is
hitting the 70-year old photographer with the ball. Along with writing
for and publishing the magazine, Mark speaks to audiences around the
U.S. and is the author of the book, Through The Perilous Fight: Living
a Life of Challenge. Mark and his wife Julie belong to college age
twins and a pug-dog named Murphy just a little north of Seattle.
If you are interested in ordering Mark's incredibly inspirational
story, you can order his book directly from him via email, fax, or
telephone. The cost is $15 + $2.50
s/h....and if you live in WA state, there's sales tax.
Mark Reiman
phone: 425.338.1393
fax: 425.338.2833
Email: Mark@IncrediblePeople.com
Check out Mark's magazine called Incredible People!
Incredible People Magazine
If the above link doesn't work type the following into your browser:
www.IncrediblePeople.com
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SPECIAL ATTENTION!
I also wanted to let everyone know that our very own Yitta Halberstam,
co-author of the national best-selling Small Miracle Series had an
article on her and her writing partner, Judith Levanthal, in the
February 14 issue of People Magazine. It is a wonderful article
for those of you who want to check it out! I have come to know and
love Yitta this past year and wanted to to help her in her quest for
stories for her upcoming book entitled: Small Miracles for Women.
Any story that revolves around a major female protagonist or affects
a woman in a significant way, or is told by a woman about a specific
female experience, are all welcome. Of course, we are looking for
stories that gently, subtly convey an insight or impart a gentle
teaching, where the person is not only entertained by the story but
learns something about life, people, or God from it.
Stories can be from one - ten pages long. Stories can be e-mailed to
Yitta directly at: YMYE@aol.com, or you can snail mail it to her at:
172 Parkville Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11230.
If you want your byline on it, please include it at the end of the
story, and if you want to be anonymous, she will certainly respect
your privacy and give you a pseudonym.
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Update:
DEAR MICHAEL,
I AM WRITING TO YOU TODAY WITH AN ENLIGHTENED HEART. I WROTE YOU 5
WEEKS AGO FOR PRAYER FOR MY 80 YR. OLD SISTER WHO WAS A STROKE VICTIM.
SHE WAS IN A COMA AND I REQUESTED PRAYER FOR HER RELEASED CONDITION.
I RECEIVED MANY WONDERFUL LETTERS AND NOTES FROM ALL OVER THE INTERNET.
I WANT TO THANK EACH AND every one OF THEM WHO HELPED US THRU THIS
TIME OF OUR LIVES. MY DEAR SISTER PASSED AWAY ON SUNDAY, NEVER WAKING
FROM THE COME. I HAVE FOUND SOME WONDERFUL PEOPLE THRU THIS WHO ARE
NOW MY CYBER FRIENDS.AND YOU ARE ONE OF THEM. GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR
YOUR SERVICE YOU PROVIDE. HE ALREADY HAS BLESSED YOU WITH A LOVELY
WIFE AND 2 DARLING CHILDREN, BUT BE PREPARED FOR AN ABUNDANCE MORE OF
BLESSINGS COMING YOUR WAY. I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS.
LOVE AND PRAYERS.
JUNE
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Thought For The Day:
"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns. I am
thankful that thorns have roses."
(Alphonse Karr)
Verse for the Day:
"Offer to God the sacrifice of thanksgiving..."
Psalms 50:14
Kid's Thought For The day:
"Hang your best picture on the refrigerator."
Parent's Thought For The Day
"Before I was married I had six theories about raising children.
Now I have six children and no theories."
(John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester)
Coach's Thought For The Day
""When you are in any contest, you should work as if there were, to
the very last second, a chance to lose it."
Deep Thought For The Day:
"When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box.
I was an only child...eventually."
(Jack Handy)
_
/_/\/\ MICHAEL T. POWERS
\_\ / THUNDER27@aol.com http://members.aol.com/Thunder27/index.html
/_/ \ "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
\_\/\ \ Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live for the Son
\_\/ of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
Video Imagery (Michael's Video Production Business)
"I thought of you first after my family sat down to watch the video
we gave them. They loved it, to say the least! Within thirty
seconds my mom was crying and my dad did too. They said it was
the best Christmas gift we could have given them!! You did such
a beautiful job! They were so suprised and so touched---they
really, really, really loved it. Thanks for helping to make it so
special to us all. My mom mentioned how the songs were perfect for
the video too! Thanks again!"
Kelli (RKaGe@aol.com) College Station, TX
Let me make you a video from your pictures or home movies!
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Video Imagery
http://members.aol.com/Videoimg/index.html