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{Straight From the Heart} *Acceptance and Appreciation* 4/10/00
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Acceptance and Appreciation
By: Rebecca Hayes
Jill was my first-born, a 6lb.13oz. bundle of joy we had planned after
three years of marriage. I am a perfectionist by nature, so of course
my children are expected to be perfect as well. This child would not
be a spoiled brat as so many of my friend's children were. I would not
pick her up every time she cried, nor hold her for hours on end. This
would spoil her and cause her to be less than perfect, so I thought.
Not so.
This beautiful baby was born with a small meningocele, a bit of brain
tissue caught in the crevice of her skull and protruding outside. Her
sucking reflex was weak which prevented me from breast-feeding as I
felt all perfect children needed. She was colicky for three months.
As soon as the colic ended the doctor found she had a club foot which
had to be cast. When the club foot was corrected, she went into
surgery to have the menigocele repaired.
We encountered one problem after another throughout the years. Our
Jill marched to the beat of a different drummer. She was never close
to her siblings, the next one 6-1/2 years younger. Nor were they close
to her. I often wondered if I was responsible for her being different
with my expectations of perfection and my lack of nurturing. I never
accepted her for herself, but compared her to the perfect child I envisioned.
Over the years, I focused on all of Jill's shortcomings while I
delighted in the accomplishments of her siblings. It was not
intentional, but I realize that any praises I gave Jill were
overshadowed by my impairing criticisms. Little by little, she pulled
further and further away from the family. She wanted to be her own
person in her own space and I wasn't permitting that. She wanted to
be accepted for herself alone, not for what I wanted her to be. She
became my flower child; dressed as she pleased; worshipped as she
pleased; planned her own life as she pleased; She stayed away from
the environment where she felt she was not accepted.
Writing about her has brought me to the realization of her many
accomplishments which I am beginning to appreciate. In spite of her
club foot, Jill learned ballet, became a very agile cheerleader, and
is now a very good dancer. She belongs to a ski club which has
traveled throughout the U.S., Canada, and Europe. She learned to play
the piano when she was four years old, taught herself to play the
guitar and the dulcimer, and even played with a small jazz combo for
a short time. A learning disability, caused by the congenital
meningocele, did not become a problem until her college years because
she had successfully compensated for it, being on the honor roll all
through high school. When the disability eventually manifested itself
in job difficulties, she enrolled in a state sponsored retraining
program. She is now successfully employed as an analyst in a medical
school research laboratory. Jill bought a computer, and with the help
of computer literate friends and relatives, began to develop computer
skills. These assist her in writing a newsletter for a support group
which she organized for adults with hidden learning disabilities.
Jill has taken charge of her life with the tenacity and resolve that
would not be possible in anyone with less character. She has become
endeared to her siblings and to their offspring, who accept her for
herself as she is. She is their greatest cheerleader and I am becoming
hers.
Rebecca Hayes
rolandhays@aol.com or
momsie44@aol.com
Send Rebecca an email and let her know what you thought of her story!
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Rebecca is the mother of three daughters and a son and the grandmother
of three grandsons and one grandaughter. She is a retired elementary
school teacher and works as a volunteer and sometimes substitute
teacher on a Native American reservation in Arizona. She enjoys
writing and training her Australian Shepherd dog, Imani. She also
enjoys her husband who has an Arabian horse named Aminask.
_
/_/\/\ MICHAEL T. POWERS
\_\ / THUNDER27@aol.com http://members.aol.com/Thunder27/index.html
/_/ \ "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but
\_\/\ \ Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live for the Son
\_\/ of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20
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