*Nose Hair* 11/1/01
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Before we get to today's humorous story by Heart
Touchers regular, Al Batt, I wanted to let everyone know
about another Heart Touchers writer, Irene Budzynski.
Irene and her story Night Shift will be the centerpiece
on the November 1 radio program called Night Sounds,
which is on later in the evening, nationwide. To find
out when the show will air in your area and on what
station, log on to http://www.NightSoundsRadio.org
Those who have been Heart Touchers readers
for any length of time know that Irene is a gifted writer,
So you won't want to miss it! (You can also read the interview
we did with Irene a couple of weeks ago at HeartTouchers.com
and clicking on the "HT Authors" button!)
From my family to yours,
By Al Batt
I have reached that mystical age where the hair
that is disappearing from the top of my head is
magically appearing in my nose. There is a regular
rain forest growing in my schnozzola. You
would think that I work in a factory that manufactures
hair-restorer and that I spend 8 hours a day
plus overtime inhaling Rogaine fumes. Well,
tough times require fast action. What I need
is a nose hair trimmer.
I pay a visit to my favorite drug store. I walk in
with my head held high. I have to, it's the only
way my bifocals will work. The pharmacist greets
me like I am a rich uncle at the door. "Why, Mr.
Batt, what a pleasant surprise. We are always
so happy to see you." With his howdying done,
he presses the button on the store's intercom.
In an instant, the facility's speakers blare the
news, "Attention, all departments. Al Batt has
entered the building. I repeat, Al Batt has entered
the building. All those in need of a good laugh,
please gather in aisle 11."
Aisle 11. An aisle that I am all too familiar with. It
is the aisle that contains the various ointments for
the treatment of cuts, scrapes, abrasions, chafing,
slivers, scratches, bites, burns, stings, itches,
irritations, sunburn, dry skin, wounds and other
assorted owies. "I don't think I deserve such
treatment," I protest.
"I agree, but the store isn't often very busy at
this time of the day. Let me call my wife and
maybe she can bring her church circle in. You
deserve a crowd. I can't tell you how much your
little visits do for the morale of everyone who
works here," said the druggist. He has to yell
in order to be heard over the din caused by all
of the people scrambling to get to aisle 11.
"Sometimes, we get to feeling a little sorry
for ourselves. After all, we are only human.
Then you show up and we realize that we
don't have it so bad. What is the rash du jour?"
"I will require no ointment today," I answer.
"What? You can't mean that. The entire store
is gathered in aisle 11. Why, your ointment use
is legendary. Please tell me that you are kidding.
This will have a devastating impact on employee
morale. Profits will plummet. Jobs will be lost.
Homes will be foreclosed upon. People will suffer
from depression. Divorces will run rampant."
"I am sorry to disappoint you, but I need a tool this time."
"Yes. A manly tool. Something I can use to
chop things down. "
"An axe? A handsaw? I'm afraid we don't handle
chainsaws. This is great. If you buy one of these
things, you will need a lot of ointment. An axe
would be a good thing for you to have. I've noticed
that a number of the weeds on your lawn grow
to tree-like proportions."
"No, the tool I need is even more masculine than
a double-edged axe. What I need is_and here I
am going to depend on your professionalism in
keeping this confidential_what I need is a nose
"A nose hair trimmer? This is wonderful. This
is even better than the rarest of ointments." Here
he pauses to make another store announcement
about my need for a nose hair trimmer. It appears
that no one knows where such trimmers are located,
so everyone gathers around the fingernail clipper
display. I take this opportunity to sneak out the
Have I gotten my nose hair trimmer? No, I am
waiting for Black and Decker to come out with
a 5 horsepower, diesel powered one that not
only trims, but also vacuums, mulches and
aerates. When I harvest a crop, I really
harvest a crop.
Write Al and let him know what you thought of his story!
Al Batt lives on a farm near Hartland,
Minnesota. Besides being a husband to Gail,
father and grandfather; Al is a newspaper
columnist, a radio and TV personality, a
storyteller, a tour leader and an avid birder.
RR1 Box 56A
Hartland, M 56042
I enjoyed reading Trisha's story. We too are in the adoption process and it
is such a long ordeal. We have had our daughter since she was ten months
old and in November she will be four years old. We used to go to our local
Children's Home before we got our daughter and get children for the holidays
and they really blessed our hearts to help them. We hope one day that we
will be able to do it again when our daughter is older.
Thanks again for the story.
Thank you for that story it was inspiring, and I too believe that God always provides for us. I came from a broken marriage 2 years ago where I loved a man so much that I almost built him into a god but then found out he had feet of clay. It almost destroyed me, but i asked God for his help, and he has provided it every step of the way.....i went from a very substantial income to barely enough to live on and it was hard, but God provided family and friends to help me every step of the way.....without his help i would have not made it and i thank him every day.....I am slowly building a good life for myself and ask God's guidance through it all, i sometimes forget to thank him i am sure, but i know he understands, i know that God is the one who will never abandon me but always be there if i take the time to speak with him
thank you for your story it did make me realize that i need to look to God and thank him more often for what he has done for me
I am in awe. When you printed my story last Tuesday, I never DREAMED
how many responses would come by email. I have spent an entire WEEK
reading them, with tears running down my cheeks every day. It's taken
me a whole week just to answer all of them! People from all over the
country have written and even people from other countries. It is
incredible to me -- and I am so blessed to see that the Lord could use
my simple little (unprofessionally written!) story to bring glory to
Himself. Thanks for your faithfulness in doing God's work His way. I
know that He does, and will continue, to bless you for all you do for
Your friend in Christ,
Thought For The Day:
"Blessed is the man who having nothing to say,
abstains from giving in words evidence of
the fact." -- George Eliot
Verse for the Day:
"The tongue is a small part of the body, but it
makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest
is set on fire by a small spark." -- James 3:5
Kid's Thought For The Day:
"You can't ask to start over just because
you're losing the game."
Parent's Thought For The Day:
"The best way to keep children at home is to
make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and
let the air out of their tires." -- Dorothy Parker
Coach's Thought For The Day:
"Be more concerned with your character than
with your reputation. Your character is what you
really are, while your reputation is merely what
others think you are." -- John Wooden
Deep Thought For The Day:
"A customer called an airline's reservation office
to pay for his ticket with a credit card. He was asked,
"Would you please spell the name as it appears on the card?"
The customer replied, "V-I-S-A."
A few weeks ago I asked prayer for my wife, she had a mole removed from her foot. The test results came back negative. We are so thankful. I even had a reader send me an E-mail a few days ago to see how my wife was, what a blessing to know that people remember and pray for people they do not know. Again thank you and God bless all.
/_/\/\ MICHAEL T. POWERS
\_\ / HeartTouchers@aol.com
/_/ \ "For I have been crucified with Christ and I no
\_\/\ \ longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I
\_\/ live in the body I live for the Son of God, who
loved me and gave Himself for me."
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Thanks for helping to make it so special to us all.
My mom mentioned how the songs were perfect
for the video too! Thanks again!"
Kelli-- College Station, TX
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